Once upon a starry sky
by lizzieten
Summary: Hazel writes Gus a letter
1. Chapter 1

Once Upon a starry sky

Dear Augustus,

It's been a week since I was forced to let you go. It's been an agonizing week, I didn't think a heart could endure this much pain. At any second it feels like my heart could shatter, and you won't be here to pick up the pieces and I'm not sure that I can.

My life has been completely turned upside down because of your death. Without you I feel like I am lost, it's almost like my heart is in the grave with you. I know that's impossible, still it's the way I feel.

I can't bring myself to regret having met you, because that would mean regretting the time I got to spend with you, and I can't do that. In such a short time you came to mean everything to me, in spite of the way I tried to keep my distance. Maybe I shouldn't have been the one to decide to do that, maybe it should have been you. Because now I'm left with these wounds, that knowing you and falling in love with you caused. These wounds I know weren't caused intentionally but they are here nonetheless. I don't even know how I am supposed to begin healing. How does one heal from an obliterated heart? I wish you could answer me that, because I certainly don't have the answer and I don't know anyone who does. I don't even know which direction to start looking in for healing.

While it's true that you left me damaged you also left me feeling more loved by a non family member than I have ever felt. I am so glad I wasn't able to keep my distance from you, that would have been like cheating you of the love that you so fully deserved. I am so glad I got to know my blue eyed angel. Even if I had known the impact your death would have on my life, I have to remember the impact it made on it as well, because surely as there is oxygen in my lungs. You have taught me a great number of things. Like how much I needed and deserved your love, and how to not take life so seriously.

My heart is in agony as I write these words, because I have never wished more for your presence than I do now, when it is too late. I am so glad you knew how much I love you and just what you mean to me. I miss you more than words could say, it's hard to remember the days we had together because they hurt so damn bad, maybe one day the pain will ease. I don't know. I just know that without you, I don't have much of a life; it's boring and lacks a certain balance without you. God, Augustus, I've never dealt with pain this bad before. I'm so happy that I took the opportunity to get to know you because so many won't get that chance; I don't know whether to be happy or sad. I don't want to share you with anyone and at the same time it feels like the world is missing out because they didn't get the chance to really and truly know you. I know that you were scared of being forgotten but you should know as I long as my lungs have air in them, as bad as they suck, I will always remember you and remember what you meant to me. I'm sorry that this world no longer holds your presence but I think that maybe you were a little too good to be here with us.

Augustus Waters, you were more special than even you realize you were. You chose to get close to me, someone who is destined to destroy lives. I hate that I can't speak any of this to you but I am glad that you no longer have to suffer the pains of having cancer. You never deserved to live in that kind of pain not that anyone who suffers from cancer does. Know this Augustus Waters; I will never stop loving you, or trying to put into words just what you mean to me. I love you Augustus Waters and I look forward to the day that we meet again.

**Should I continue this as a series of letters? Or leave it as it is? thanks for reviewing and reading. Liz**


	2. Chapter 2

Once upon a starry sky

Chapter 2

Dear Augustus,

It's now been two long, miserable weeks without you. I want nothing more than to pick up my phone and call you, alas; I can never hear your voice again. What I wouldn't give to even hear a breath escape from your mouth. As much as I miss you, I am angry too. Because, I should have been the one who died, it should not have been you. You had much better chances at survival than I did, yet I am still here and you are no longer of this world. I know the world is not a wish granting factory but if I could, I would wish you back into my arms again. I feel so empty without you Gus, the other day I forgot you were gone and I picked up my phone to call you but then I remembered. It hurts so bad knowing I can no longer hear your sweet voice. I long to hear your laughter, to hear you make fun of Isaac. I don't want to wait for a long time to meet you again, but I know you wouldn't want me to let go and give up just yet.

Augustus Waters, you were the air I breathe, how am I supposed to live without my oxygen, how am I supposed to move on when I can't breathe?

They say time heals all wounds, but I wonder how that's possible. Nothing can fix the hole that you left behind in my heart.

Why did it have to be you? Everything was finally perfect until you were removed from my life and out of rotation.

I close my eyes and I see your face, I can still feel your hands on my face like a whisper of wind. I miss you so much Augustus. I will never love someone else the way I love you, you have taken my ability to love because no one could ever mean anything near what you meant to me. I don't ever want to fall in love again. Love hurts though I know this wouldn't be something you want for me. You would want me to move on and be happy and live the rest of my days to the best of my ability. As if that's possible, you changed my life in ways, I wasn't expecting. All for the good. Without you now I will probably be the same boring person as before expect I will always carry that hole deep inside my heart.

Augustus, why did you have to die and leave me alone? I know it's not your fault; you couldn't control the cancer that destroyed you. But I'm so angry, all the time, I'm angry at the world for taking you away from me. It's not fair; we didn't have enough time together. I'm hurting so bad right now and it feels like it's never going to end, the tears come nonstop, I hate this, I hate that I can no longer discuss an imperial affliction with you. I wonder if my love was good enough for you because you were so special to me, my feelings for you were stronger than any I've ever had for anyone else.

Augustus Waters, I will always love you even though we are separated for the time being.

Love always,

Hazel Grace


End file.
